


after the fall

by QuietlyImplode



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Endgame, Clint Needs a Hug, F/M, Natasha Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 02:41:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19264297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietlyImplode/pseuds/QuietlyImplode
Summary: There’s before Vormir, and after Vormir.





	after the fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bettybackintheday](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bettybackintheday/gifts).



> Sooooooo I don’t write fic, but I needed fix it fics. I hope this is ok and fulfils your prompt!  
>  This is completely unbetaed so let me know any mistakes. I have also never posted any fic so if I’ve done this wrong.. you know the drill.  
> I’m such a sucker for angst and anything Clint/Nat.. so that’s where this comes from - a desire to have them together and safe and healing together.

There’s before Vormir, and after Vormir.

He recognizes that the planet in the middle of the universe is designed to leave beings broken. He can’t quite compartmentalise the task they’ve been set, shock flowing through him before settling on his face. Natasha is as stoic as ever and he knows, just knows that’s she’s already made up her mind.

Before Vormir; he thought nothing could get to him, a hardened warrior with nothing to lose. 

After Vormir he realises he had everything. 

Grief and shock play on his face when he returns. He can’t look anyone in the eye. Steve keeps trying to catch his eyes, but he can’t. He just can’t.

Leave no one behind, watch each other’s backs. He failed.

He doesn’t want to be around anyone. Doesn’t want to bring voice to what he knows is true. Doesn’t want to listen to the why, the how, the when. He just knows, the only driving force is; they have to finish the mission.

He has never wanted to curl up in a ball and just cry so badly. 

When Clint looks back, he doesn’t know how he gets through the battle. Sure there have been missions where he feels that this is it, but with luck and a partner, he’d always pulled through.

He’s not 100% sure he wants to this time. 

He knows for certain that all he wants to be with her, wherever she is, but how would he know? How would he know that he’d end up with her?

She’d atoned. He’d sinned. 

He doesn’t give up because he’s doing this for her.   
-

Tony snaps his fingers and the world stops again. He knows the dead look in Pepper’s eyes and he wants to reach out to give something, anything, but he can’t. Loss isn’t a competition but he feels like he’s given more.

When he receives the call from Laura, he’s sure he isn’t up to the task; of having someone who loves him, who understands. He wants to be with her and stay away from her. Nat would know what to do. What to say. He feels completely inadequate.

On the third ring he answers and starts the conversation with something he never wanted to say, and he knows Laura never wanted to hear.

“Nat’s dead.”

There’s silence on the line, and he’s worried that someone just has Laura’s phone.

“Hello?” He wonders if she’s shaking as bad as he is.   
When nothing comes down the line he tries again.

“Laura?”

He paces waiting for a response, any response that will grant some solace. That this has all been worth it.

“Hi,” comes a voice, except..

It’s not Laura.

It’s Natasha.

—  
There’s before the phone call and after the phone call. 

He learns that Laura, Cooper, Lila and Nate are back. They came back with Natasha. Like a guiding light, she’s saved his life, his loves, again.

They don’t know how or what powers that be allowed this to happen, but he thanks all the gods that he has his entire family back. He selfishly feels that this is what he is owed. For all the sacrifices he’s made (the loss, the grief), the universe had to give back.

He learns that Natasha is not the same as she was on Vormir. That she was before Vormir. But they’d been parted for five years so he doesn’t know if this is repercussions from the first snap or from after the the phone call.

He learns that she is quieter now. More reserved. Less willing to talk. They talk trivial things, of the kids or the farm or friends. They don’t talk about Vormir. They don’t talk about what happened after. When he tries she is firm in her insistence of no. Not now. 

He wonders if she’ll ever speak to him about what had happened next. He goes to her when he has nightmares, checks that she’s breathing. All he can see is her body on the ground, blood pooling, growing. He knows he wakes her every time but sometimes it’s all he can do. 

He knows that she has nightmares and that sometimes her grief puts her in a whole other place that he can’t get to. 

He knows that when she is in this place, Laura helps more than he does. He wants to know what and why. Laura is able to breathe and just wait until she comes back.

He hugs her tight and she hugs him back. He thinks that each time it gets easier to believe that she’s here to stay. 

He watches her around weapons, her aim somehow more accurate, more deadly and the look of grim determination and focus makes him falling love with her again and again and again. He knows she watches him, and he hopes that she forgives him.   
His katana sleeps and his bow welcomes him him back.

He learns that family dinners make her smile and that cold weather makes her more fragile. He sees her eyes glaze over, and Laura sees it too. Laura is usually first to sit by her, holding onto her arm, grounding her. He makes sure that the house is always warm and her secret spaces are always full with blankets and comfort.

He makes sure that she contacts Steve, Bruce, Pepper and Wanda and that the family she tried so hard to keep together is a backbone of support.

Wanda is the only one who stays longer than a weekend. Clint doesn’t know if it’s a woman thing but he notices that Natasha’s defences lower, and she’s happier once she’s been around her. Her happiness permeates throughout the household like a cover gets lifted. 

Clint notices small things, her showers get shorter (he knows she cries in there), she leaves her room more (and not just for meals), she’ll tolerate touching (she flinches less with unexpected touch) and she volunteers help.

He knows they’re all trying to move on and forward so on days where he just can’t see the light, he asks for help. He tries to show her that it’s ok, he’s here and he’s not going anywhere and hopefully with his help, neither will they.

They develop new rhythms built on death, resurrection and grief but also love and friendship. There are some things that never change. 

They both know that the world is not the same; but together they’re more equipped to handle it.


End file.
